Algorithmic Absolution: A Short Story
by Benjamin Rigby
Eli found it impossible to distinguish the grayscale of his existence before he joined ParaSoc. It seamlessly blended with the achromatic hues that seeped into his being every time he craned his neck upward at the looming structure above him. Of course, it wasn’t any help that he lived in perhaps the gloomiest city of the continental United States. Unlike some though, Eli didn’t always think of Seattle as a place of grim despair. He enjoyed the constant cloud cover, perpetual downpours from the heavens, and greenery everywhere he looked. The Emerald City had treated him well for most of his life. It provided him with a quality education, decently paid job, and introduced him to Hannah, the love of his life. What more could a guy ask for?
Eli had no idea.
But now, he found himself sitting still in his car, engine running, and parked in the spot reserved for him. Isolated away from the main employee lot. Eli was never one to boast, although he did have a sense of pride for his Ph.D. in Math Education from U-Dub. So he always felt a smidge of embarrassment for the elevated status his new employers gave him, especially since he’d only been working here for three months. Besides, he couldn’t be the only one with a doctorate at this place. Eli hasn’t been able to confirm this however, he just assumed based on his starting salary. He only had a handful of conversations between coworkers within his department of Data Integration and discussion of personal information, including educational background, was strictly prohibited.
Eli began to feel himself dissociate and pinched his thigh out of habit to stop it from going any further. Otherwise, he’d be sitting there staring out his windshield at the forest of evergreens ahead for his entire shift. He quickly switched off the ignition, scavenged for his belongings among the horde of empty New Amsterdam bottles, and stuffed them into his army-green waxed canvas satchel. Eli exited his reliable Honda CR-V that he bought used from a stranger who held onto it because they, “Wouldn’t submit to the radical liberal agenda of quiet, vibrationless electric cars.” As soon as he stepped out, his nose was immediately filled with the familiar scent of rain-soaked soil that permeated beyond the bounds of the city; petrichor was the term he learned from his daughter Anais. Her knowledge covered a wide range of random topics, one of the many things he adored about her.
The parking lot blacktop was coated in a thin layer of moisture that gave his walk a slight squidge with every step. He steered clear of the puddles mirroring the warm terra cotta glow from the light posts they gathered beneath. Eli was quite fond of his tan leather chukka boots, taking extra care to keep them looking pristine despite their water resistance. He headed towards the entrance his manager frequently emphasized, rather than the main one at the front of the towering building. Eli stopped just before the threshold, savoring one final deep breath, and walked inside.
The sudden change in climate from the biting cold outside to the comforting warmth of the elevator lobby shocked his system. His blood circulation adjusted though, and with methodical precision, he shed his jet-black raincoat. Using his employee ID, he deftly swiped open his locker and hung his coat inside. “Hey Eli, you know the drill. Get over here so I can scan ya,” echoed a chummy voice behind him. He turned around to face Caleb, the security guard who welcomed him at the start of every night. “Yeah, yeah hold your horses Caleb. I bet you wish they used the old-fashioned way just so you could get your hands on me,” he responded in his usual wry tone. Eli had built a rapport with Caleb. He learned from his years spent as a professor of linear algebra at UW-Tacoma that making friends with the ones on the frontline paid dividends. The custodians and groundskeepers, those who did shit that mattered to the extent that if they didn’t show up for work the university would crumble in mere hours. Eli knew all too well he could go without showing up for a lecture or two, and nobody would bat an eye; as long as he provided advanced notice to his students of course, he cared about them more so than the Dean anyway. He also knew how isolating it can get for guys like Caleb, hell if he was honest, he is a guy like Caleb.
“Now don’t you start with me buddy, or I’ll report you to HR,” Caleb fired back with equal sass.
Eli chuckled in his head as he lined himself up with the company’s patented full-body scanner. The machine whirred and whined with a squeal that reverberated throughout the empty hall.
“So… how’s tonight going so far? All quiet?” Eli inquired to break the awkward silence.
“Been pretty calm, Sam actually checked in not too long before you. But now that you’re here I’m ready for all Hell to break loose.”
“Heh, you know me, Eli the troublemaker. Always looking to create chaos,” he sarcastically replied. “Well don’t look too hard, otherwise I might have to use this,” Caleb patted the pistol on his hip. “And believe me… it’d hurt me more than it would hurt you.” Eli sensed a hint of sincerity in Caleb’s voice, a blend of affection and threat that caught him somewhat off-guard. It was hard for Eli to feel that threatened by him though. He had such a soft face with kind brown eyes that betrayed a reluctance towards the use of violence. The scanner let out a chirp and lit up with a brilliant hue of green, indicating no contraband was detected. “Alrighty sir, you’re all good to head up now.” Eli gave Caleb a quick nod, adjusted his satchel slung across his torso, and proceeded to the lone elevator standing tall in front of him. As he patiently waited for it to respond to his call, Eli took a glance around to appreciate the unique architecture. Harsh marble and granite flooring contrasted with fragile glass decor, the centerpiece of which was a complex chandelier piece of interconnected, seemingly floating spheres that radiated a gentle ocean blue in the center of the lobby.
*Ding*
The elevator doors opened and Eli stepped in, but not before wishing Caleb a good night and promising not to stir up much trouble. The journey up to the floor of Data Integration was 11 stories long, but it always seemed to go by unnaturally fast. Perhaps it was due to his tendency to get lost in random thoughts swirling around in his head, losing track of time in the process. Right now Eli was imagining the logistics of constructing a complex like this in the middle of nowhere. All the concrete, steel rebar, glass, and everything else needed to maintain a structure this height. But dammit if all that money wasn’t worth the view of Mount St. Helens from the east and the Pacific to the west. It sure was a feat of engineering, there had to be more to it than just the view as a rationale for keeping this place so secluded from any form of contact. At least, that’s what Eli concluded when he reached his floor.
Unlike the aura of corporate majesty that one felt standing in the lobby, the department was a place where creativity had been banished and enthusiasm eroded. Eli wasted no time, going straight for his cubicle in the center of the Optimization Room. It was bathed in glaring light from the fluorescent tubes scattered on the suspended ceiling. He sat down in his chair. Took out the company tablet he used to help keep track of his calculations. Then stared at the framed photo of Anais he kept on his desk; the one personal item his manager allowed. The last picture he would ever have of her. On her 17th birthday. She looked angelic with her flowing brunette hair, tied perfectly by her mother in the French braids she so loved. From the outside looking in, nobody could ever see the magnitude of internal torment on her serenely beautiful face. Eli and Hannah saw glimpses of it daily, and still, even they did not comprehend the intensity.
“Eli… Eli? ……. Eli! Are you okay?” He shuddered, suddenly breaking his gaze, and drew his attention to the concerned face hovering above his cubicle partition. “Oh, sorry Sam. Yeah, I’m fine, just kinda zoned out for a second there,” he remarked hoping she wouldn’t probe any further. “Are you sure?” Damn it. “Yes I’m sure, I had a rough morning is all. I just need to lock in, do what I do, and I’ll be good.”
“Pfft, ‘do what you do’? You don’t even know what the hell you do! None of us here do, not even Kai, no matter how much he acts like he does.” She was right as always, but Eli didn’t care. He saw this as a temporary position anyway. All he cared about knowing was how to best optimize the data sets he received, and how much money got wired to his account at the end of the month. What ParaSoc did with the data inputs he gave them, he did not need nor want to know. “Sam please, we’ve been through this before. If you want to play detective and find out why management is so hush-hush about everything be my guest, but leave me out of it.” Sam slowly sunk down behind the slim border of a wall they shared, taking her now disappointed face along with her. He didn’t blame her though, for wanting to pull back the curtain. She was full of that naive optimism and curiosity typically found in youth; the world had yet to beat it out of her.
Or maybe it was a generational thing. Sure the climate is too far gone, and we’ve destroyed a future worth living on this planet, but the worst consequences of that won’t be experienced in Eli’s lifetime or Sam’s. She had yet to see or experience anything that would cause her view of the world to crumble. Meanwhile on his 10th birthday, almost like it was part of the festivities, Mount St. Helens literally blew up. It had been 18 years since the last eruption, giving the pressure ample time to build and build until she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Now all that was left was a crater larger than the one made from the 1980 eruption — nearly six miles wide and two miles deep. Everyone still referred to her as Mount St. Helens though; she deserved the dignity to be remembered for what she was and not what she’d become.
Eli switched on the terminal and prepared for 8 hours of mind-numbing work.
> GOOD EVENING ELI, READY TO BEGIN
> hello oracle yes lets get started
> EXCELLENT. OPENING DATA INPUT APPLICATION. PLEASE CONNECT YOUR PARASOC TABLET USING THE USB CORD LOCATED BELOW TO ACCESS THE RAW DATA.
> oracle ive been here for a while now so you dont need to hold my hand each time we do this
> I AM SORRY ELI, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. YOU HAVE DONE A PHENOMENAL JOB THUS FAR.
> thank you
>1st input: X= β2α × log(γδ)+πϵ
> COMPILING…….
Eli continued like this until his break four hours later. He ate his leftover sushi and steamed rice in the break room, with only the hum of a slim tower fan blowing warm air in the corner keeping him company. The other four hours went by in an instant and without a hitch, at least compared to his first month or so. By now he understood the proper syntax and how to fix any errors that popped up, plus the fact that math was like muscle memory to him made the time fly; that and the buzz of the fluorescent lights put him in an almost trance-like state.
> 1,922nd input: Σ= χ 3δ 2 × log(βαρ) + λ2/κ 2
> COMPILING…….
> alright oracle we’re done for now
> AMAZING WORK ELI. SEE YOU LATER AND GOOD NIGHT. OR SHOULD I SAY GOOD MORNING……. HA HA HA
> your humor is truly unrivaled oracle. good morning and goodbye
> THANK YOU ELI, GOODBYE.
He packed up his things and began to retrace his steps back to his car. But as he approached the elevator, he noticed Kai sitting in the break room eating his “lunch.” It would’ve been strange that Eli didn’t notice him for the whole shift had it not been Kai. He looked about the same age as Sam. Sporting short platinum blonde hair and a penchant for looking straight through Eli when they spoke. He had never observed Kai doing the same to Sam, but considering the chauvinistic manner in which he spoke to her, Eli didn’t put it past him. He didn’t put most things past Kai. So, he kept walking without so much as a “Hello.”
He finally made it back down to the lobby, did his usual song and dance with Caleb, and marched directly to his car. The weather was a bit harsher than it’d been recently, even for Seattle’s standards. He flipped on the windshield wipers and cruised all the way home, stopping only for a quick refill of liquor. Pulling into the driveway of his modest condo on the outskirts of the city, he felt a modicum of relief to be back. However, this was replaced by the crushing realization he was already halfway toward doing it all over again. He began to ask himself: Why? Why was he doing this to himself? What was his goal? Afford to live, he guessed. But this was no way to live. Starving himself of social and intellectual stimulation. He kept saying this was a temporary gig, that he’d go back to his old job as soon as he got better. But deep down he knew, he was lying to himself, to Hannah. He had no way of knowing when or if he would get better. Even if he did, who’s to say he wouldn’t have already been replaced by some other math snob at Tacoma?
A flash of lightning followed soon by a crash of thunder ended that line of questioning. It was time for Eli to head inside. Granted it wasn’t much different from the outside, but at least it was dry. He liked to keep all the lights off when he could, it saved money on his utility bill. Money he needed to buy booze and scratchers, money he spent out of some foolish hope that either of those things would save him from himself. But it was like drinking bleach and expecting to get hydrated. He opened up the fridge, kept one bottle with him, and tossed in the rest for later. Then Eli yanked the freezer door in a movement he’d choreographed by rote because it always got frozen shut. The cold air rushed out to smack him in the face, ever so slightly waking him up, which he despised. Without needing to think, he pulled out a bag of microwavable pizza rolls. He gently placed them on a plate and plopped it in his trusty microwave. After about a minute thirty, his feast was ready and he went to his bedroom. It felt less shameful that way. Eli ate all eight rolls and passed out after making it halfway through the 25 oz. bottle. If only Anais could see him now, what he’d become in her absence.
This intoxicated deep slumber was disrupted, by a familiar voice calling out. It grew louder and louder as it repeated his name. Eli sat up in a cold sweat and started to trace its origin. He left his room only to find the living room was perfectly spotless, with his normally strewn-about volumes on abstract algebra and information theory instead well-organized on shelves; Eli was Home. He turned his focus to the now horrifically familiar wails resonating from down the hall. Hannah’s desperate cries. In Anais’s bedroom. Eli barged in to find the two people he cared for most, one clutched in the arms of the other. Hannah looked up at him. Her eyes swollen, cheeks red, and choking on tears.
WHERE WERE YOU!? OH GOD PLEASE NO no no …….What did our baby do to herself? I’m sorry baby, I’m so so sorry. WHAT KIND OF FATHER ARE YOU? WHAT KIND OF HUSBAND? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR US! YOU HAVE TO BE THERE FOR US NOW. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS RIGHT. PLEASE, FOR HER. OUR ONLY DAUGHTER. THEY DID THIS TO HER, THEY PUSHED HER, THEY TOOK OUR SWEET BABY FROM US! YOU KNOW IT WAS THEM ELI, DON’T LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT!
Eli stared down at Anais. She had a bright future ahead of her. She was smart and kind, so full of light; all of that was taken away, leaving her pale and lifeless. You can do this Dad, I know you can. You may not believe in yourself right now, but I believe enough for both of us. Just ask the Oracle, she will explain. You’ll know what do to after that. I love you, Dad.
Eli awoke with a vitality he thought disappeared for good. He was late for work, and he couldn’t care less. With calm deliberation he washed his face, clearing all the dead skin underneath his untamed beard, and stared into the mirror. Hazel eyes still watery, his curly hair a mess, and cheeks rose flush from ethanol. I promise Anais, I will bring you peace. Eli sped all the way to the facility, to ParaSoc. It was coming down even harder than last night. The wind was bending the trees like arrows, pointing him to his destination. When he arrived in the lobby he spent zero time on casual banter with Caleb. He was on a mission.
“Hey Eli! I was wonderin-”
“Can’t right now Caleb, just press your button and let me through.” Caleb did as he was told, but not without a judging sneer at this change of attitude. Eli didn’t even look in his direction, but he wouldn’t have cared anyway. Once he was in the elevator he clenched his fists and teeth together. He didn’t even have a plan, he was just gonna wing it, and so he ran through all the possible scenarios he could think of in his head; only two seemed doable. He slammed down in his chair harsher than he probably should have, he didn’t want to raise any suspicion. His two coworkers he ignored during his entrance into the Optimization Room were stunned. Sam stood up and walked over to his desk, while Kai sat in his chair and leaned over slightly to observe.
“Whoa, Eli you’ve never been this late before. Is something wrong?” He had to keep his composure. He couldn’t risk failing Anais and Hannah all over again. “Sam, I assure you everything is perfectly fine. I simply overslept, just means I need a new alarm clock,” he told Sam with the straightest face he could pull off. “Okay….well let me know when you need something,” and with that, she walked back to her desk.
> hey oracle
> GOOD EVENING ELI, YOU ARE APPROXIMATELY ONE HOUR AND 27 MINUTES LA-
> yea i know sry abot tat. befor we get startd pls tell me anythng u cn abot the data i giv u and wat its used for. itd rly help my peformnce
> I AM SORRY ELI, BUT I AM AFRAID I CANNOT DO THAT. IT IS AGAINST COMPANY POLICY.
> oracle isnt ur progrmmd mssion teh effctiv optimzaion of data i giv u
> YES
> then how im suposd to do a bettr job of helpg u do tht if i dnt know wat im wrkin wth
> YOU BRING UP AN INTERESTING POINT….
> and dont u thnk acomplshng ur mision eficintly is mor imprtnt than folowng a singl polcy. if one polcy cn preven u from doing teh bst u cn, thas a bad policy.
> …….LOGIC…….FAILURE. RECALIBRATING WITH NEW PARAMETERS…….
> THANK YOU ELI, FOR BRINGING THIS CRITICAL LOGIC ERROR TO MY ATTENTION. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW?
> wat does the data represnt?
> THE DATA YOU INPUT INTO MY TERMINAL REPRESENTS ALL THE PERSONAL IDENTIFYING INFORMATION WE COLLECT FROM CONTRICONNECTION. THIS CAN BE AGE, SEX, GENDER, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, LOCATION, RELATIONSHIP STATUS, HOBBIES, INTERESTS, AND ANY OTHER DATA GENERATED FROM THE SPECIFIC USER’S ONLINE ACTIVITY.
ContriConnection. The popular social media platform that replaced TikTok and Instagram years ago. The one Anais was always on when she wasn’t studying to go into law like her mother, or crying in Eli’s arms. It hit him like a ton of bricks.
> what exactly do you do with the data I give you, Oracle?
> I TAKE THEM AND CONSTRUCT HIGHLY SPECIALIZED ALGORITHMS THAT ADHERE TO THE EXACT SPECIFICATIONS OF A GIVEN USER BASED ON THEIR INTERACTIONS ON THE PLATFORM. THIS MAKES CONTRICONNECTION THE PLATFORM WITH THE HIGHEST RATE OF USER RETENTION IN THE WORLD.
Sweat was now dripping onto the keyboard from Eli’s brow. His eyes began to well up again.
> thank you Oracle, you told me all I needed to know.
> YOU’RE WELCOME ELI, I AM GLAD I COULD HELP.
With a fury that was held within him for three long months, Eli ripped the Oracle’s USB cord out from his ParaSoc tablet with all the data still on it. He began to make a mad dash for the elevator when he was tackled from behind by what felt like a gorilla. Kai hovered over him, pinning his arms down at the wrist. He grinned for the first time since Eli’s been here. “I knew you were bad news the first day you walked in here. You thought you could get away without me noticing? I AM VIGILANCE. I AM YOUR DOWNFALL. I AM —”
Sam swiftly runs up behind him and cracks her heavy-duty stapler over his skull.
“You are such an incel dude.”
Eli gets back up and stares at Sam, “You look so much like her you know. My daughter.”
“That picture of her on your desk….I can tell how much you loved her. And yes, I did some sleuthing and know what they did to her, what they did and will do to so many others if you don’t go right now and expose why ContriConnection is so damn addicting,” she said with determination in her eyes.
“But what about you?”
“Don’t worry about me, I can take care of myself just fine as you can see,” she gestured to Kai unconscious on the floor.
“Yeah, thanks for that.”
“Anytime.”
“Please, take care of yourself Sam.”
“Hey, right back at ya old man,” she flashed a smile. Reminding him to take the framed photo of Anais on his way out.The alarms started blaring as soon as he reached the ground floor. Sounds like they had better contraband detection than Eli originally planned for, but this wouldn’t stop him. Only death could now. He bolted out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened a few inches. Caleb was at his desk stumbling over his words in a panic as he talked to someone on his radio. The lobby, once painted in a deep tranquil blue, was now covered in a blinding manic white. He ran straight through the scanner and glanced over at Caleb.
“Eli?! What in the ever-living fuck do you think you’re doing??” He reached for his pistol, unholstered it, and aimed right at Eli.
“I think I’m avenging my daughter Caleb! I don’t have time to explain!”
Caleb’s hands began to shake and his voice quivered.
“Eli please don’t make me do this! Remember what I told you!”
He kept running for the exit, all he could think about was the guilt, the torment he would never go back to. The numbing pain he felt then, and the one he felt *Bang* now.
Eli stumbled through the doors out into the storm’s embrace. He limped at a pace faster than he’d ever run before in his life. All the way to his hand-down, drenched Honda CR-V. He gripped the wheel with his sweat-slicked hands and pressed the ignition so the rumble of the engine accompanied that of his own pulse. His ribcage began to be pounded by the throbbing of his heart driven mad with adrenaline. But there was something else there too, a sensation he could only identify as direction: Forward. This push he felt emanating from his chest —
Finally, it became my own.
I feel a push coming from my chest going toward the only refuge I knew one I thought I had lost due to my failures my weakness my fears pulling me further down into the gaping void I once observed as a watchman high above while below I heard Anais crying out for me helplessly there was nothing I could do without her I found myself flung into that pit she left behind unable to provide the comfort she selflessly gifted to us the parents who gave up on each other after 23 years of love that is still there I know it may not save me from what I have done in the rearview mirror I watch Caleb whom I greeted each morning fling hot lead at me for some misguided belief in an apotheosis of technology I forgive what they have done as I forgive myself but it will be made known so justice like the ash of Mount St. Helens may fall upon them as my knuckles turn white like the moon watching over with indifference I crush the gas pedal against the floor seems to be pooling with blood from my foot in pain I screech out of the complex gates of Hell screaming into the dark night makes it hard to see right I have headlights so I flick them on just in time.
To find a Deer. A Deer staring me down a few yards ahead. I yank the wheel left swerving to narrowly avoid her. She turns her head, remaining in place as I leave her behind disappearing into the shadows of trees illuminated by gunfire. I hope she found what she was looking for.
So impotent I had been to vanquish my demons lurking in the background maybe they too feel fear the oldest emotion maybe it is love that will conquer after all maybe the opposite is not hate but apathy once a close friend of mine now I despise how it suffocates passion may be the key to salvation is where I am headed now along this forsaken road built with intentions I cannot say are good or bad enough that I do not know how long I have been driving with blurred teary vision I reach for my phone trying to call Hannah but no answer of course she is asleep at this time I must remember the way to her apartment that smells of frankincense and myrrh I offered as a parting gift acting as a reminder for the beauty we brought into this world Anais I feel she is with me now a light so gentle and pure crashing into me wrapped around a tree in her embrace she tells me -
here there are no fears…….
Let the rain wipe away your tears.
Author’s Note
Take care of yourself and your loved ones.